


Spreading Like Poison

by ExhaustedAuthor (orphan_account)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Abused Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Little Shit, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Movie Night, Non-Consensual Touching, Self-Harm, Serious Injuries, Sexual Advances, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, This is gonna turn into projection reeeaalll soon lmao, Touch-Starved Deceit | Janus Sanders, Unsympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, healthy creativitwins, serious manipulation tactics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25459852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ExhaustedAuthor
Summary: Janus wants to be loved by the others, but Virgil has gotten him tangled back up in his web. He's sucking the will to live out of him and the pain is spreading like poison. Will Janus get help before the Spider eats the poor Fly?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 33
Kudos: 97





	1. Movie night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sympathetic_deceit_trash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sympathetic_deceit_trash/gifts).



> So this was inspired by Anti-Virgils favorite toxic Virgil fic prompts, or something like that. I chose to do the Anxceit one. Waring for this chapter are mental manipulation and minor physical abuse. Please heed the tags once I get farther in.  
> Also to Arson, I hope you enjoy haha! This took a long time because research, and also it was nerve wracking writing for someone else. I hope you dont mind my writing >~<

It was movie night. The first one Janus was allowed to go to as the famILY. Inevitably, he was met with some nerves. For one, Roman didn’t really like him still, and Virgil’s reassurance of the matter didn't help. Second, He wasn’t sure how Logan would react either, especially after Janus actually taking his cane and pulling him offscreen.  
Janus zipped up his Scooby-Doo onesie and steeled his nerves. Virgil would be there. Virgil liked him. He hoped. Because if not, then that meant no more famILY dinners, since Janus knew that this was all Patton's attempt to be a nice person and make him feel included.  
He trudged down the stairs and into the living room where the others were waiting.  
“Hey, kiddo! Make yourself comfy!” Patton beamed at him.  
Janus’ stomach tied itself in knots as he sat by Virgil's feet, who he was dating.  
Roman bounced into the room with a large bag of Doritos. “I brought snacks!” He bellowed. “Doritos!!”  
Virgil scoffed. “What? No! Why don't you get some potato chips instead?”  
“Because Doritos are better!”  
“No, potato chips!”  
“Patton, Logan what do you think?” Roman asked.  
“I have no personal preference, seeing as they both are harmful to your teeth.” Logan said, not even looking up from his book.  
“They’re both good, ” Patton said. “I like them both!”  
Remus shrugged. “I prefer deodorant, and when I’m feeling dangerous.. I drink bleach.”  
“Janus, what do you say?” Roman and Virgils stare bored into him. Surely Virgil wouldn’t get mad if he sided with Roman because this was such a small argument, it had no real impact.  
“I like Doritos better.” He shrugged.  
Virgil kicked him a little in the back, not enough to be noticeable but enough to hurt.  
Roman grinned triumphantly at Virgil, not noticing the kick. “Thank you, Hazard Macaroni.”  
Janus winced. “Hazard Macaroni? I thought it was Danger Noodle.”  
“Yeah, but you're the shortest, so..”  
Remus snorted. “You guys could just use my nickname for him, Double D.”  
“Please don't,” Janus said. “Hazard Macaroni is fine, thank you.”  
“So, I was thinking in honor of Janus’s acceptance we should watch the new Scooby Doo movie, Scoob! What do you think, Jan?” Patton said.  
Janus gasped. “Really??” His spirits were lifting.  
“Of course!” 

\--time skip--

“What the fuck was that?” Virgil shoved Janus.  
“Wh-what?” Janus was confused.  
“I thought I told you that you needed to side with me more?! I’m your boyfriend for fucks sake.” He looked pissed.  
“Is this over the Doritos? But that doesn’t even matter!”  
“I. Don't. Care. We talked about this, Janus! Every single time I try to make a point you contradict it.” Virgil flopped on his bed. “This could’ve been practicing! But no!  
“Look, its late and you're tired. We should talk about this in the morning, when you've cooled off and I’ll actually remember the conversation we have.” Janus tried for a smile, but quickly wiped it off when Virgil stood up and took a threatening step closer.  
“Want to go to your room? Fine. Just go ahead and say that you're cheating on me with Roman. Or even Remus. Just say that you hate me already.” Virgil snarled.  
“What?! No! I would never do that! Virgil, I-”  
“Then stay with me tonight.”  
“Ok, I will.” When Virgil's glare didn't lessen, Janus added on a quick, “I’m sorry.”  
Virgil relaxed and unclenched his fists. “Lets go to sleep.”  
Janus only nodded.

\---time skip---

Janus woke up to an empty bed. When he first realized this, he bolted straight upright. The smell of lavender was strong, but it just wasn’t Virgil. He got up and looked all around the room and there was no Virgil.  
He wandered downstairs to check if Virgil was there, and to his disappointment, he was. And he was play flirting with Roman.  
Janus felt his heart drop. He hadn’t been a good enough boyfriend for him..  
Virgil finally looked up and caught his eye. “What?” He scoffed. “Can I not have friends, or are you that much of an asshole?”  
Janus didnt say a word as he trudged back upstairs, this time to his room to cry.

Around an hour later, a knock sounded at his door.  
“Its open,” Janus said miserably, hugging his snake plush to his chest.  
He heard Virgil “tch,” like Bakugou. “You didn't have to be such a crybaby about it. I was just messing around.”  
“And thats the problem. You're always just messing around with someone! Logan, Roman, Remus, all of them!” Janus stood up angrily glared at Virgil. “I feel like you do it just to mess with me!”  
Virgil rolled his eyes and pushed Janus back down on the bed, his hand resting on his shoulder, keeping him down. “Please, like you don't literally hate everything that comes out of my mouth. You’re the bad boyfriend.”  
That stung. He absolutely hated it when someone called him bad. He felt his heart sink even lower. Virgil was right, he was a bad boyfriend. Virgil was loyal, he wouldn’t ever cheat, especially not to just screw with Janus. He hung his head. “Im sorry, I didn’t mean to go off like that. I’ll try not to do it again.”  
“Don't try. Just do.” Virgil said, pushing down harder on Janus’s shoulder. He winced and resisted from shifting in discomfort.  
“I will.”  
Virgil stared into his eyes. “Are you lying to me?”  
“No! No, I’m not lying to you, I swear.”  
“I’m not sure I believe you.” Virgil narrowed his eyes, squeezing the shoulder.  
Janus yelped as Virgil's fingers dug into his shoulder blade. “I swear! I swear I’m not lying to you! I’m sorry, sorry sorry!”  
Virgil raised an eyebrow and his hand left his shoulder. “How about that talk now?”  
“..ok.” Janus rubbed his shoulder, grimacing.  
“Look at me.” Virgil said, his voice going soft. “You know I love you, right? I just.. I’m overprotective of things. Of you, my opinion…” He sighed. “ I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t contradict it, because then I have to choose between two things I want to protect. And I get overwhelmed when that happens. Its just that- that, I dunno, I get scared that you are going to leave me, or kick me out again, and-”  
“Virgil, I wouldn’t kick you out again! I love you too, its ok. I’m sorry for the first time. Honest.”  
“I know, and I’ve forgiven you, but just… I get so scared about it. I don’t want that to happen.” Virgil dropped his head into his hands and rubbed at his face.  
Janus rubbed his back in a (hopefully) soothing way. “It’s ok, love. I won't leave you.”  
“Promise you’re telling the truth?”  
“Cross my heart.” Janus leaned over and pressed a kiss to his temple and hugged him. “I love you,” he whispered.  
“I love you too. Now c’mon, lets go back downstairs, huh?” Virgil stood up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I struggled a bit with the pacing in this chapter, so it may be a little bit longer than the last one. I'm really happy with it though. A few warnings are: significantly more cursing than the last one, emotional manipulation, also Remus and his insane ass.

Virgil and Janus have been dating for over a year now, and the fans were demanding a Q&A after it finally was announced. 

Janus had gotten a spot near the beanbag chair, which was opposite of Virgil. There was one question for the ‘Anxceit ship,’ as the fanders called it. It was directed at Virgil.

Thomas asked, “Is Deceit a shitty boyfriend to have?” He looked up at Virgil, surprised.

Janus had stood there in shock, his mouth gaping open. The others were put off by it too, but Virgil didn’t skip a beat. 

“I mean, I wouldnt say shitty, but he isn't a great one, either… He lies duh, he's literally the personification of deception, but he also doesn't listen to me. I make a point, he doesnt like it. I don't really get why he always contradicts me, though. Its kind of.. Well, illogical. And I know logic isn’t his forte, so..”

Janus sputtered. “Wh- b- I-”

Patton frowned. “You do do that. I mean the contradiction. Well, I assume also the lying. Maybe you should try to agree with each other more! Agreement is the key to a healthy relationship.”

Roman raised an eyebrow, his hand sliding to his katana. “What do you lie about, Janus?”

Janus felt his sassy, sarcastic video persona crumble. “I- I try not to,” He said, looking around the room nervously. “I’ve been trying not to mess up, honest!”

Virgil shrugged. “It doesn’t really bother me.”

Logan had adjusted his glasses in that, ‘I’m about to spout a few facts,’ way. “It seemed to me that it did seem to bother you, at least a little. In fact, according to recent psychologists, lying in a relationship destroys self esteem, and it develops trust issues between people. As humans, we need to be able to trust someone, and usually someone who is deceptive is someone we don’t need to trust. Perhaps Janus is not the best partner.”

Janus felt absolutely sick. Thomas’s Logic had proved that he was a bad boyfriend. “I- I- I-” He couldn’t force a proper sentence out. After a couple failed attempts, fully aware of the others watching him, he forced out some kind of sentence. “I don’t want to be, I don’t mean to,” He hiccuped. “I’m- I’m so sorry,” he said, and with a choked off sob, he sunk out before he could hear a reply. 

The room was silent for a moment. 

“He seemed genuinely upset,” Thomas said, shocked. “That wasn’t his lying tone, I think that he really didn’t know he was hurting Virgil like that.”

"The poor kiddo.." Patton said. "I'm gonna go check on him." 

"He actually kinda likes to deal with things alone.. learned that the hard way." Virgil chuckled. 

"The hard way?" 

"Yeah, he hisses at me then ignores me. It's fine though."

Patton made a concerned nose at the back of his throat. "Kiddo, it sounds like a bad relationship. Maybe you guys should break up?"

Virgil shrugged. "Maybe." 

Janus sighed heavily. He was looking back at the footage in the present, and he honestly couldn't care less at this point. Virgil had made it evident that he'd fucked up everything. But he loved Virgil! He didnt want to break up with him, and he hadn't brought it up.

At this point, he was just feeling depressed. He didnt really want to do anything anymore unless it was sitting on the couch taking up as little room as possible. 

After he had heard Virgil say how he lies and how it made a bad relationship, to ensure he didnt lie, he talked as little as possible. 

He had even given up his self care days. Those were the days where he sat in his room in a Scooby Doo onesie, binged all of the What's New Scooby Doo's, and ate an entire pot of Mac n' cheese. Logan highly protested those days, since they were bad for his health, so he just quit them to avoid discourse. 

Earlier in the week, he had taken his box of 'special' memories and given them back. Logans old tie, Roman's old sash, and one of Patton's stuffed animals. He remembered presenting them to the sides with a look of shame on his face. 

The hardest to return was Virgil's old hoodie. He had been nervous about it for an hour before he had finally worked up the courage. He had said, “I.. I kept this after you changed your style. I know it was weird, but you hated me and.. I didnt know what to do.”

Virgil was silent for a full minute before answering. “Creep,” he said, and hung the hoodie in his closet.

So here Janus was now, laying on his bed and watching the latest Sides episode for the eighth time in a row.

He felt a tug on his navel and he flinched. Someone was lying. 

He sighed again, putting his phone away. He needed to get some food, he knew that. But he just couldn’t bring himself to care. So he just laid there, staring at the ceiling. 

Someone knocked on the door and Janus groaned. “Come on in,” He said, rolling over.

Virgil opened the door. “Yo, snakeface. Haven’t seen you in a while, so get your ass downstairs before I drag you down.”

“I don't really want to..” Janus’s bed was soft, and he was comfortable and warm. 

“I know that we dont need to eat or do anything, but stop being lazy. Its really not the good kind of selfish.” Virgil said pointedly, sitting down on Janus’s bed. 

Janus sighed. “But-”

“Just come down before everyone is more stressed out. Remus had a whole cake for breakfast, now hes chasing down the others going, ‘IMMA FUCK YOU’ and you know how to deal with it. Also you should eat something otherwise Patton’ll die from the stress.”

Janus twisted the sheets. “Okay. Um, who let him have a whole cake?”

“He got up and made one at 3 in the morning. It actually looked edible. Then he just started ripping out chunks of it and eating it. Theres frosting everywhere.”

Janus chuckled. Virgil was just sitting there with him for once, and he felt content to just stay like this, with Virgil and his snake plushes. But he had to go downstairs. 

“Hey Virgil?” He said, sitting up. “Do you hate me?” He lifted his eyes to Virgils.

“Why do you ask?” 

“Well, I was rewatching the QnA thing, and- and the one question about if I’m a shitty boyfriend.. And I was just wondering if you.. if you hate me.” Janus stared into his lap. 

Virgil scooched closer, putting his arm around Janus’s shoulders. “Is it because I dont hug you enough? I can be more affectionate!”

Janus’s skin was lit on fire and he smiled softly. “Yeah… this is nice..” 

Virgil gave him a light squeeze and stood up. “We can cuddle later. Right now, lets go downstairs.”

Janus groaned and pushed himself off the bed. “Remind me again, why do I have to go?"

"You know how to calm Remus down. Now come onnnn," He tugged on Janus arm like a child, smiling.

Janus laughed. "Okay, okay!" He grabbed his hat and allowed Virgil to drag him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take note about the physical affection thing, because that's going to be a major factor in the next chapter, delving into a few toxic relationships I was in myself. Also how the conflict is seemingly resolved at the end of each of these. Anyways, enough talking. I hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and wash your hands, everyone!


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm not dead- surprise surprise. Ive been having a little bit of writing block, and also I've started online school (Highschool is so much harder than middle school was 😫) so my apologies if my writings not up to par. We do have some serious warnings for this chapter, including self harm, arguments and general angst. As always, u!Virgil. Watch out, and the self harm is in between the hyphens at the end.

Remus and Roman were wrestling on the floor when Janus and Virgil came down stairs. Virgil immediately got on the defensive, seeing Roman in a chokehold with Remus smiling good naturedly.   
Virgil pried Remus off Roman, who fell to the floor, half laughing.   
“Remus! You dont choke people!”  
Remus giggled. “I know, especially not in front of buff frog daddy~”   
Virgil screeched, lunging over and covering Patton's ears. “Stop that! You're going to corrupt him with your sick shit!”  
Janus watched in mild bemusement. He learned that the others stopped worrying about cussing in front of Patton after hearing him say ‘FUCK’ after dropping a block of cheese on the ground.  
Remus was slowing down his happy wiggles, which he did in a play arguments. “Corrupt him?! ExcUSE ME-”  
Virgil took his hands off Patton's ears to jab Remus in the chest. “Yes, corruption, just like how you corrupted Romans brain so he split with you!”  
Remus glared at him. “SHUT UP! PATTON DID THAT, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU-”  
“DON'T SAY A WORD ABOUT PATTON! HE DID NOTHING WRONG!”  
“Oh, gee, sorry, I just realised that you’re a selfish jerk who only cares about the ‘perfects’ now,” Remus said sarcastically.  
“Thats not true and you fucking know it.” Virgil growled in his tempest tongue.   
“Oh, I know alright! I know Janus kicked you out for being selfish and toxic and unsympathetic!” Remus howled, pushing Virgil backwards.   
Virgils breath hitched, and he shoved past Janus going up the stairs.   
Romans frown turned into a glare that he directed at Janus.   
Patton also gave him a disapproving look. “Is this true?”  
Remus sucked in a breath, leaning away from everyone.  
Patton stepped forward. “Answer me. Did you kick Virgil out, or not.”  
Janus blinked. “Yes, but-”  
“Get out,” Roman snapped.   
“But-”  
“GET OUT!” Roman pulled out his katana and pointed it at Janus.  
He stormed up to his own room, slamming his door. Something felt off, but he couldn't place what. Grabbing one of his many snake plushies, he shook it furiously.   
"Idiot!! Remussss really doessssnt know when to shut hissss mouth!!" He told Helix.   
She didnt reply. He didnt expect her to.   
He sighed. He shakily took off his gloves, inspecting his hands.   
As soon as Janus scratched one of his scales, a cold peirce of fear shot through him, and he sat straight up, looking around.   
A knock sounded on his door and he scrambled for his gloves. "C-coming! Just a moment!" He hated the tremble in his voice, but he was just too shaken to properly do anything about it.   
He opened the door to see the others. Remus had his arm slightly raised, so Janus assumed he was the one who knocked. He looked somber for once. "Yes??" He purred, leaning against the door to hide how his legs were shaking.   
Patton looked like he was the most shaken, but he still sounded mad when he spoke. "You're going to apologize."  
"To who? You guys? Ha! Sweetie, I dont do apologies."   
Patton grabbed his arm and dragged him out to be face to face. Despite both being the same height as the two shortest, Janus felt small under the Moral sides stare. "Not to me, you jerk, to Virgil. And we're here to make sure you dont hurt him worse than you have."   
That hurt. "I'm offended, do you really think I would hurt Virgil? We're dating, may I remind you."  
"Yes. Yes I do think you would hurt him. Ever heard of abusive relationships?" Roman growled, making a sick, mocking sneer.   
That took him by surprise, so Patton used the opportunity to drag him to Virgils door.   
"Now make it right." Patton snapped.  
Still half in a stupor, he knocked on the door. "V-virgil? Its Janus." He called. "Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Can I come in?"   
No reply.   
"Well, I tried." He stepped back, but then paused when Logan held his arm out.  
“Stop.” Logan studied the door for a moment, then knocked swiftly. “Virgil? Is everything satisfactory?”  
A small whimper seemed to come out from under the door.   
“Virgil, are you all right in there? Kiddo, answer!” Patton pleaded, all traces of anger gone.   
Roman tried the door, seeming calm and collected. Then again, he was an actor. The door swung open, and Janus was horrified. 

\----

Blood was coating the floor, clinging to carpets and pillows. And Virgil was in a pool of it.   
Janus was the first one to react, stumbling forward and hitting the ground on his knees, ignoring the feeling of blood soaking into the knee of his pants. “No no no no, Virgil, no!” Janus took Virgils head in his hands and stroked his hair.   
Virgil opened his eyes a slit, and Janus could see how glassy hollow they were.  
He didnt see much else though, since Patton shoved him away so he could kneel in front of Virgil.   
“My baby, what happened?!” Patton sobbed.  
“R.. Remus reminded me about.. About how Jannie kicked me out… and… it was just- it was just too much to know that he probably actually does hate me and I am so toxic and so fucking selfish and I just- I cant- I couldn’t handle it anymore! And I know how you guys must hate me and I’m so sorry I’m just a fucking burden on all of you guys, you shouldn;t have to deal with me and I-” he choked. “I understand if you dont accept me anymore-” He broke off, cryin, and Patton cradled his head to his chest.  
Roman stood over them all while Logan attended to several cuts up Virgil's right arm. In a split second, almost like someone had flipped a switch, Roman turned to Janus and yelled, “LOOK WHAT YOU DID, DECEIT!”  
Remus didn’t say a word.

\-----

The only thing Janus could think about when he ran out was Remus’s cold, angry eyes staring silently at him from the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading all the way to the end, and I swear, its not Virgil angst, its a manipulation tactic. One of my friends did this with me, and made me feel all sorts of guilty. Hell, he self harmed with a plastic knife in the middle of our English lesson a couple times. And I accidentally contacted him a few days ago, so #addies an idiot needs to be a trending on tumblr!
> 
> Anyways, rant aside, sorry it took so long for the update and its short length, but i hope you enjoyed! Stay safe and wash your hands, everyone!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sides have a talk with Janus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I👏 hate 👏 school👏
> 
> Tw: mentions of Self harm from last chapter, toxic relationships, manipulation, and victim blaming. The sides seem unsympathetic, but they're just mad  
> Fun list, huh?

Janus sat in his bed and cried. He couldn’t get the image of Virgil, eyes glassy and blood pooled around him. He could still feel Remus’ eyes staring at him, ripping through all the layers of his facade, straight through him. 

Remus’s anger was cold. He never outright said that he was angry, but he would always pull back on his Remus-ness. Less chaotic around you, less touchy-touchy, less talkative. Janus had only had him mad at him twice, when Virgil left and when Janus had called him the evil twin. 

And Remus still wasn’t fully over that, he could tell. So now Janus had him doubly mad at him, and he didnt know if he could handle that. 

The next thing he knew, it was 3 am and he was dry sobbing into his pillow. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he grabbed a water bottle from his desk. 

As he looked into the mirror, he was disgusted. The human side of his face was blotchy and red, and on his reptilian side, his snake eye looked horrid; red with a yellow iris, little bits of red poked through from the cracks in his scales. They were wet and shiny, with obvious tear tracks. As he was rubbing his face, one of the scale ridges caught on his gloves and it ripped it off. 

He yelped, tears springing to his eyes once again as the pain shot through him. 

The action caused the scales on his face to shift, some poking into the hole in his skin. 

He breathed heavily through his nose, resisted the urge to gasp for breath. 

Janus got his breathing under control, squeezing his eyes shut. He was thoroughly exhausted, so he crawled into bed, his head feeling like cotton. 

When he woke up, Remus was sitting on the end of his bed, facing away from Janus. 

“R-”

“We need to talk.” His tone was apathetic and serious. “Can the others come in?”

He was startled by the lack of emotion, but he managed to mumble a ‘why not.’ 

Remus pointedly did not make eye contact, even as Janus silently pleaded with him to reassure that he wasn’t mad at him.

As Remus opened the door, the first thing that stood out was Roman. He glared at him, though not saying a word. 

Patton stormed into the room and clenched his fists. “You should break up with Virgil,” he snarled, jabbing a finger at Janus. 

He looked down, hearing Logan stride across the room. 

“Patton, please refrain from lashing out. We need to take a logical approach to this, even if we are angry.”

Roman stomped his foot. “Like hell we’re going to be logical! Virgil almost killed himself because of what Deceit did!”

Janus huffed. “I know what I did. I’m really sorry. But you guys didn't know the situation I was in! He-” 

“ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF!” Patton screeched. “I’m sure if you hadn’t kicked him out, he would’ve ran away from you, you monster!”

That took Janus’ attention. “I was GOOD to Virgil! I loved him then, and I love him now!”

“Then thats the problem!” Roman snapped.

Logan cleared his throat. “Everyone, please, calm down. Yelling and arguing will not help anything. Janus. Please look at me.”

Janus stayed staring firmly at his sheets. 

He sighed. “Fine. As you have seen, Virgil harmed himself last night after Remus and him had an argument. When he regained consciousness, he said that it had to do with Remus saying that he was ‘toxic and unsympathetic,’ and ‘thats probably why Janus kicked you out.’ He said he worked so hard to be accepted and even to forgive you for kicking him out, and apparently it took a toll on his self esteem. He does not want to be seen as ‘toxic and unsympathetic,’ as Remus said, and his combining the two was too much for him. We do not blame Remus for this, however, because he wasn’t the one whose actions were the root of this, the actions were yours. 

“Now, I have no knowledge of how Virgil acted while he was living with you before, nor do I claim to. But from the stories he’s told us, you had a good relationship with him and he seemed almost like he does now. And while he does lash out at times, yes, we do not blame him for it, since we know that having anxiety can be.. Detrimental at some points. So please, explain why you kicked him out and we will talk more.

Janus opened and closed his mouth, staring at Logans tie. “If I’m going to be completely honest-”

Roman snorted, and Janus glared at him.

“If I’m going to be honest,” he reiterated, “I don't remember much. I know we fought a lot towards the end. We argued almost any time we saw each other, then he started ignoring me. I ignored him right back, and that made him mad, and he finally confronted me about it. We argued again, and he called me manipulative, so I told him that he was being toxic and if he hated me so much he could up and leave, since he hated me so much. And he did. Nothing more to it.”

“I see. Yet you patched things up now, so to speak?”

He nodded. “Yes, and he… forgave me for that. I don't know why we were arguing so much at the e nd.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. 

Logan shifted. “You know what the others think. That you should cut it off with Virgil. I think that he has now formed another emotional bond with you now, and you cutting it off, especially when he’s in a fragile mental state, might not be the best for him.”

“...Right.”

“Now, I think that we should all leave Janus be, and leave him to think things over a bit more.”

Patton nodded, breathing out of his nose. Roman looked unhappy, but he nodded nonetheless.

Remus sighed. “Can I talk to him? I need to say something, preferably in private.”

Somewhere in the back of Janus’ mind, he acknowledged the more serious vocabulary Remus was using. 

Logan nodded. “Alright. We’ll be in Virgil's room if you need us. 

Remus nodded. “Right.”

Logan led the others out of the room and shut the door behind him. 

Remus turned to Janus and looked him in the eye. “Thats not what happened and you and I know it.” He said harshly, eyes staring into Janus’ soul. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry. Hope you guys liked the chapter, I wrote it during my live meetings lmao  
> I tried to make it as long as possible, but I wanted a cliffhanger too, so if I stuck with my chapter outline then that wouldnt have happened. So yeah, have this instead. Also, can someone please teach me how to hold and do italics on here?!?! I have no freaking clue!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I'm sorry this took forever to get out, some events transpired that left me wanting to smash my neck in the oven door. I almost did something with the same end result, but whatever. I wrote this chapter once before, with the sole intent of ending everything, but I had to rewrite it because it was too rushed and well- I'm still around now to post the next one. So this one better aligns with my memories of everything.   
> Warnings for this chapter are: Toxic Virgil, victim blaming, self deprecation, mentions of past suicide attempt and things of that nature. Remus seems unsympathetic, but he's just pissed off. Lots of arguing and things of the psychoanylytic nature.   
> Fun, huh? Enjoy.

Janus stood up angrily. “Well what was I supposed to tell them! ‘Oh, Virgil and I argued all the time because he was hanging out with you guys and I hated you!’ Yes, that would totally go well!”  
“I’m not saying that. Virgil did act like an ass towards the end of that time, you dont have an excuse. You were an ass too, and you know it.”  
“Hm, yeah, I know. I regret what I did. You know that better than anyone!”   
“Well you sure as hell aren't acting like it! You saw what Virgil did to himself and you just ran out!”  
“I-” Janus cut himself off, screwing his eyes shut. He couldn’t even think of a truth to say.   
Remus scoffed. “You need to go apologize to him.”   
“Dont you think I know that?!” He shouted at him. “Don't you think I’ve been beating myself up over it, too?! I fucked up, I know that, you don't have to shove it in my face!”  
“Maybe you need it shoved in your face if you’re going to be a jerk about it! Go apologize and let him know he means something to you! Its bad enough that he almost died, but when he woke up this morning and realised you weren't there he was heartbroken!”   
He opened and closed his mouth for a few moments before sitting back down on his bed. “God, I’m a piece of shit, aren't I?”  
Remus took a deep breath. “No, not a full time one. Just right now. Now come on, Virge really wants to see you.”  
Janus hung his head and nodded. “Okay.” He stood up, staring at the floor. Remus gripped his arm tightly and led him out of his room, to Virgil's door. He knocked harshly, and Janus winced.   
Logan opened the door, and his eyes flicked down to meet Janus’ for a millisecond and then he stepped away. Janus could’ve swore up and down that he saw a hint of disgust in his eyes.   
When Virgil caught sight of Janus, a grin split his face. “Jan!” He cried, attempting to sit up with shaking arms.   
Janus smiled softly at him, then picked a spot where no one was and leaned against the wall. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Remus take up residence next to his brother. Roman nudged his arm and said something Janus couldn’t hear. Remus shook his head and made the motion for ‘not now.’  
Virgil’s eyes scanned the room. “Ooookay. Something happened that you guys aren't telling me about.”  
Patton breathed out a puff of air and looked towards the door.   
Virgil raised his eyebrows then pushed his bangs back. “You guys are acting suspicious. What went down?”  
Pattons face contorted into a snarl and he pointed at Janus. “He screwed everything up!” He screeched, face red. He also had tear tracks staining his face.   
Logan set a hand on Patons arm. “Patton, as I have said before, deep breaths. We need to be logical about this, yelling gets us nowhere.”  
Pattons chest was rising and falling dramatically with each puff of air. Roman pointed this out. “Uh, teach? He is taking deep breaths-”  
“Yeah, like a dog with a heat stroke.” Remus interrupted, and Roman nodded.   
“Like a dog with a heatstroke.”   
Logan opened his mouth, made a confused expression then closed it again. “Okay. I- whatever. Okay.”  
Virgil chuckled nervously. “What did Janus do…?”  
Janus snorted sarcastically. “Isnt it obvious?”  
“....No, not really.”  
“As Patton so kindly put it, I screwed everything up. I was the root of the actions that caused this, so therefore I am the one at fault.” Janus started putting up his ‘other people’ persona, the sarcastic snake who doesn't care.   
Virgil furrowed his eyebrows. “Uh, no-”  
“Don't lie to me.” Janus hissed darkly, interrupting him.  
Virgil huffed. “Okay, whatever. You screwed it up. There, no lying, Immanuel Kant.” He jabbed.   
Remus mumbled, ‘who?’  
Roman made a gesture like, ‘Tell you later,’  
Logan sighed. “Well, since you all obviously don't want to talk about it, I suppose I have to. Virgil, if you really were not lying and Janus was just blaming himself at the moment, what was the cause of your.. Death expedite?”  
Virgil sucked in a breath. “Well.., I think that it had to do maybe with the situation? Lots of arguments, and then.. Remus said what he said, but it wasn't his fault, he didn't know, so.. I.. guess… no one. I have a feeling that it would’ve happened no matter what..”  
Janus felt a pinprick of pain underneath his tongue, which meant there were lies of omission and half-truths. He raised his eyebrows, though it was hidden by his hair.  
Logan slowly nodded, processing the information. “Alright. Well, we will make an effort not to.. bicker, so as not to trigger anything. Right?”   
Roman looked offended. “I never even argued!”   
Logan sighed quietly. “No, you didn't, this is for future reference, remember?”  
Roman mumbled something then crossed his arms. “Whatever, Anorak.”  
Logan's mouth twitched, but he didn't comment. “Anyhow, Virgil, how are you feeling as of now? Do you feel.. at risk of harming yourself or something of that nature?”  
Virgil thought for a moment. “Mmm… No, not really.. I think that it was just a bad mental health day.”  
“Alright. Well, I for one am going to leave you be unless I am needed. Please feel free to call me at any moment, you will not be burdening me in any way.” He fixed his hair, nodded curtly, then stepped out of the room.   
Patton watched him leave. “Dont tell him, but I’m gonna go make you some cookies. He’ll say ‘those are not good for him, you need to take his health into account’ or something so shhh- no talky talky,” He said, forcing a smile and backing out of the room.   
Roman sighed. “Padre’s losing it. Well, I’m off. Please, call if you need me, Got Scared. I’ll be obsessing over our new boyfriend,”   
Remus grinned. “Ooh, I will too- Dirty thoughts time!” He giggled, grabbing Romans arm.  
Roman rolled his eyes and allowed himself to be dragged out by his twin.   
As soon as they were out of the room, Janus turned to Virgil. “I’m calling bullshit. Like hell it was the arguing, and I was not being self deprecating. I know something else was up.”  
Virgil sat up. “I forget that I can’t lie to you sometimes.” He looked away, almost guilty like. “Just.. I didn't want to make you feel bad. Yeah, this is kinda your fault… I mean… I wanted to spare your feelings and all…”  
Janus’ brain was being assaulted by the lies of omissions, then being washed out with the truth, and repeating that. It was almost too much to handle, and he bit back a cringe. He didnt really know what to believe was true or not. “Never spare my feelings, Virgil, I need you to be fully honest so we can help you! Don't you trust me?”  
Virgil hesitated. “Janus,” he started.   
Janus turned away to leave, a surge of emotions in his chest. Then Virgil grabbed his hand with surprising strength, and suddenly he was on fire. Every nerve was alight, and if he wasn't crying before, he certainly was now.   
Virgil pulled him back and down so he was laying partially on Virgils chest. “I love you, Janus. Id trust you with anything.”  
Janus bit back his sobs as he felt the blatant lie, pushing it away for the intimacy of the moment. Because for all he knew, this could be the last time Virgil lied to him about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This looks a lot shorter than it did in the google doc... *sigh*  
> I'm debating something, here. Should I go the darker route of my experiences or not... You guys can decide. I also have a prewritten drabble that could go with this fic that doesn't align with my experiences but it could go hand in hand. That is definitley going to be posted sometime soon since its already done. Feel free to point out any mistakes, I know I probably made many. Stay safe, guys.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom! I have hacked my writers block!! I wrote this in a notebook and copied it onto the computer, and I had less trouble writing it since I've trained my brain that notebook fanfiction never sees the light of day. That training took 2 years though...   
> Anyhow, I come bearing a new chapter! And news.  
> Got my enby haircut! I dyed it purple and all that.. Some lady took one look at me, wrinkled her nose (she wasn't wearing a mask) and told me I looked like a whore. That was mildly entertaining. But also a little bit confusing, since I look maybe 12 or so (i'm not)  
> And uh.. skip to the warnings if spiders make you uncomfortable for this next bit. 
> 
> My poor poor spider died.. the cold weather got him... he wasn't my spider necessarily, but he lived outside my window and I named him Mr. Knees. All the other spiders that lived near him also died, and someone killed Dipper :/
> 
> Warnings: creating a false safe space, non consensual touches (some sexual some not), unwelcome sexual advances, forcing oneself on another, and general angst. No sex happens, though. FUN CHAPTER!   
> And please please heed the warnings, since I recently got Kudos by an angst writer I like very much, and I know that my fic could have things that could be potentially harmful to them.

Over the next few days, Janus noticed Virgil had become a bit more… touchy. When he got out of bed (cleared by Logan and Remus with their concerning amount of medical expertise) he would hug random sides at random times. He seemed to crave a physical closeness.   
And Janus, to say the least, was uncomfortable. Virgil would use his height advantage (he and Logan were head to head with that- literally) and rested his chin on Janus’ head and wrapped his arms around his waist.   
He remembered the first time it happened. Janus was doing dishes for Patton, trying to get back on his good side. Virgil had slid up behind him, took advantage of his not wearing a hat, and kissed his scalp.   
It had sent a sensation all the way down his spine, and his knees buckled because they had never done anything so.. Affectionate. (If thats what he could even call it that..)   
“Vee-” he had started, but Virgil just squeezed him tighter.   
“Love you,” he mumbled into Janus’ hair, resting his head on the crown of his head.  
Janus went back to scrubbing at the dishes under the near boiling water, feeling the near boiling water prick under his skin and scales.   
The hugs became more and more frequent, and more... intense. Janus would be doing something and Virgil would come up from behind (always behind…), press a kiss to the back of his head, then wrap his arms around Janus’ torso possessively.  
It quickly became annoying.. And overwhelming. Since Janus was basically touch starved most of his life (‘why would they touch me?’ He thought to himself) it was too much for him. He could barely handle him and Virgil holding hands without feeling like he was going to implode.   
Sure he and Virgil would occasionally fall asleep in the same bed, but this felt different, and one time it clicked why. 

Janus was doing his usual routine of making himself something to eat, staring at the microwave, when Virgil popped up behind him.   
“Whats up my sexy little snake?” Virgil asked and Janus felt his skin crawl as he pressed a kiss to his head and looped his arms around his waist, which was lower than usual.   
“Uh- food-” he answered simply, internally panicking.   
“Mm.” He hummed in acknowledgment and hugged him a little tighter. As his hands dropped just the slightest bit lower, Janus realised why these had felt so off: he was building up to a sexual advance.   
In somewhat of a panic, he tried to step out of Virgils hold. “Hey- let go-” he said, trying his best to keep his composure.  
“But whyyyy~” Virgil drawled, pulling him even closer. “This helps me feel better, you dont want me to feel bad, do you?” He pouted.   
Janus was quickly losing his facade. “No but- Im just a little overwhelmed is all-”  
Virgil frowned and pulled away, sighing. “Its okay… you dont have to admit that you hate me, I can take a hint..”   
Somehow that made Janus feel even worse. “No! Dont- dont go, I hate you so much, stay with me, you can leave-” In his panic, he started slipping between lies and truth.   
VIrgil put a hand on his shoulder in an effort to comfort him. “Hey, no need to panic- slow down, okay?”  
Janus felt pressure on his shoulder, his vision not registering anymore, and he froze. He shrunk back, whipping around to face Virgil, then threw himself at the other side, hugging him tightly.   
‘If I what he wants he wont be mad’ Janus thought stupidly, not hearing a word Virgil was saying.   
Virgil wrapped his arms around Janus, rubbing his back. “Everything okay?” He asked. He wasn’t dignified with a response, just Janus’s unsteady breathing. “Jay?”  
He made no attempt to answer him, only squeezed him a little tighter.   
Virgil patted his head. “Hey, we dont have to do something if you dont want to.”  
Janus shok his head as much as he could. “Dont want to,” he blurted. It was easier for him not to lie that way.  
Virgil nodded. “Alright.”  
The microwave beeping startled them both away.

Virgil had explained at some point that physical touch just made him feel better. Patton expressed a similar urge.  
Logan reminded them to always ask for consent, and respect if they decline. Virgil had nodded.   
ANd he did ask for consent… with the others. Patton was always a hard yes, Roman was okay with simple hugs so long as they didnt go so far, and Logan would usually politely decline. But Virgil kept appearing behind Janus and snaking his arms around his waist.   
When Janus asked him, Virgil had said “You’re my boyfriend, I dont need to ask.. Theres nothing wrong with that, right?”   
And just the edge in his voice alone made Janus lie through his teeth. “No, no its fine.” Janus felt horrible for days afterwards, that was the first time he had voluntarily lied to Virgil since they had gotten together.   
If Virgil noticed, he didnt seem bothered by it. And so it continued. And Janus didnt say anything the next time it seemed more like a simple hug because, as Virgil reminded him, he needed to cope in a healthy way. Another reason why he didn’t say anything was because Virgil would always accompany it with an “I love you,” and a part of Janus yearned for that kind of validation. 

Virgil sat Janus down on his bed, cupping his face. “Jay, somethings up.”  
Janus stared blankly into his eyes, confused. “There is?”  
Yeah. With… us. You.” He sighed. “Theres something you arent telling me.”   
Janus felt his stomach sink. “No there isn’t.” He said instinctively, getting defensive.   
A slightly annoyed expression flickered across Virgils face, but he tamped it down to neutral. “Jay, your lying. I know. Somethings wrong, and your going to tell me.”  
Janus sighed and broke eye contact. “I dont want to talk about it.” He mumbled.   
Virgil titled his face up gently. “Hey,” he said softly. “Look at me,”   
Janus was shocked by the tone of voice and his eyes snapped up to meet Virgils.  
“I love you, you know that, right? You can tell me anything.”  
When Janus didn’t feel a lie in anything he was saying, he lunged at Virgil and started bawling into his hoodie.  
It was so out of character, even for Janus, that Virgil didn’t know what to do. “Uh-” he started, but Janus didn’t seem like he heard it. If anything, he gripped tighter and sobbed harder.   
“I love you so mu-uch,” he cried.  
Virgil nodded and held him tight. “I love you too,” he said.   
Janus sobbed harder, hardly able to control himself, barely able to take in a breath. Virgil rubbed his back until he calmed down minutely, whispering reassurances in his ear.   
When he calmed down enough to speak, he pulled away from Virgil, cheeks tinted red. “Sorry,”   
“Its alright, Jay. Now whats going on?”  
“I… You…” he sighed. “You’ve been lying. To me. I could tell. You lied when you said you trusted me, and I’m pretty sure you lied about.. About loving me..”  
Virgil raised his eyebrows. “Janus, hon, no- I do love you, so so much- you lie detector must be glitching or something- and as for the trusting thing, well, I cant always know when I should flip what your saying, so that was that- nothing against you, Jay. I love you more than anything and anyone.”  
Janus froze up a little. “You.. dont know my tells?”  
“No, why?”   
“I- I dont lie all the time- sometimes I cant help it- my mouth wont say the truth and- and- so when I hesitate thats one- also my hands, they relax and my snake eye undilates- those are the- the voluntary though-” He shuffled closer, eyes wide and desperate for Virgil to believe him.   
Just then, Logan burst into the room, looking frazzled. His tie was crooked, as were his glasses, and his face was red and blotchy. Remus trotted in behind him like a dog.   
“I need your help,” Logan said urgently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could Logan and Remus need help with, do you think? Also fun fact about me- I cut off my hair when I was watching Tangled when I was 5. I wanted to be Rapunzel, guys. I wanted to be a pretty pretty princess. No but seriously, I had hella long hair and I hacked it off to my ears when I was left alone for 20 mins. I even cut it to the time Flynn did with Rapunzel hksjkdggd  
> Anyhow, stay safe guys.


	7. URGENT

Hey everyone, I am sorry to say, but I am orphaning this work and all my other works. My account is being deleted and I didn't want to lose it. I will come back, maybe in a few months or it might be in a year. I really dont know. I'm being put in a situation where I'm not safe on the internet. I'm going to transfer the google doc to a completely new account so I can use that instead to write. My tumblr is going to be deleted, as well as anything else I own. I love all of you guys, and I hope you all forgive me. I'm really sorry. Stay safe, please. <3

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Once I started putting this down I got real insecure because "holy shit I'm writing for a person thats awesome what was I thinking I cant write manipulation properly, I cant screw up-"  
> I can hope to update again soon, and hopefully I will not lose my hyperfixation in the fandom, like I did to my others. Please let me know if there is any mistakes in the writing, or if I missed a tag or something.  
> Come yell at me on tumblr, I'm exhaustedauthor there, too.  
> Anyways, stay safe and dont forget to wash your hands!


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